Rae (puppetdumbly) wrote in sainthummel,

Fic: Of Finances and Implied Threesomes.

Title: Of Finances and Implied Threesomes.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt, Jesse, Mike; St. Chummel (Kurt/Mike/Jesse)
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1270
Notes: Blame and dedication to pyroclastic.
Summary: Jesse, Kurt, and Mike all haven't had a real job in what feels like forever, so they form a support group.  Then they move in together.
Additional Notes: Cross-posted to kurtmike.


In the beginning, it was just a support group.

“Hello, my name is Mike Chang, and it’s been three months since my last job in theatre.”

“Hello, Mike,” the other two would chorus back.

They would each take a turn lamenting about their employment status. It became somewhat of a competition, seeing who could tell the worst audition story or how long he’d been eating nothing but Ramen noodles.

In hindsight, the “support” group was probably why none of them were able to find jobs.

Jesse was the one who brought to light the real problem. After all, he was two years older, meaning he was two years closer to that dreaded thirtieth birthday, meaning he had two fewer years to make it big as a “young star.”

“I need a job,” was what he said, keeping tone with their meetings. “I’m down to my last savings account, and it’s either move back home into my parents’ basement or start taking my auditions seriously.”

“You’re right,” Mike nodded serenely.

“Of course,” Kurt agreed.

But Jesse wasn’t done.

“No, hear me out,” he deviated from his usual carefree tone. “I think we have a problem. We all care about each other too much to get a real job because we’re afraid that it’ll keep us from meeting up like this. We’ll be employed, meaning we’ll have no reason to complain to each other anymore.”

He paused, waiting for the other two to object. Neither one did.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do,” Jesse leaned in closer, a sparkle in his eyes. “I’m going to downsize from my apartment and find a place that’s cheaper. Then I want you two to move in with me.”

The solution was obvious and both Kurt and Mike weren’t sure why they hadn’t thought of it before.

Within two weeks, they had all moved in together and each one of them had a callback for a different show. Their lives were finally getting back on track, so they celebrated by buying real food. Mike and Jesse watched while Kurt made dinner for them all.

He wasn’t entirely sure what possessed him to do it, but Kurt gave each man a kiss on the cheek when he set their plates down in front of them, adding a, “Here you are, dears,” for good measure. And he wasn’t sure what surprised him more; the fact that each took it in stride or the fact that Mike pouted at him and said, “You gave Jesse more mashed potatoes than me.”

They fell into a routine after that. Kurt, who hadn’t made it to the final callbacks for his audition, became the epitome of a housewife, cooking the other two dinner and making their beds when they forgot. Mike pulled the short straw and was in charge of cleaning the bathroom, which left Jesse to buy all their groceries.

Kurt and Mike went to the opening night performance of Jesse’s show. They had two seats side-by-side, so they held hands and pretended not to realize they were doing it. They cheered for Jesse at the curtain call and hugged each other because they were so proud of him.

All three of them held hands on the subway ride home and Kurt kissed both of his boys goodnight.

After that, there seemed to be an unspoken agreement about the nature of their undefined amicable relationship. They stopped going out separately and instead went to bars and clubs together, dancing with each other in turn and sometimes all at once. Mike and Jesse were suddenly allowed to tease Kurt about his frilly apron and Kurt stopped nagging them when they watched TV in their underwear.

On a good day, he plopped down in between them, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and his frilly apron, just because he could.

When Kurt finally landed his big break, Jesse and Mike were the first two he told. They were all sitting together eating dinner, and Kurt told them both with a huge smile on his face.

Jesse practically dove across the table, planting a kiss right on his lips and murmuring, “Congratulations,” when he pulled back. Mike had laughed, said, “Thanks, Jesse, way to beat me to the punch,” and had promptly pulled Kurt onto his lap, kissing him as well.

For one horrible second after Mike pulled away, Kurt thought that was the end of things between the three of them. He thought he was going to have to choose between his boys, but then Jesse laughed and demanded a turn on Mike’s lap.

They pushed their beds together and held hands as they fell asleep.

Kurt woke the next morning with two sets of arms around him. He smiled into Mike’s chest, snuggling closer to Jesse and thinking that this was probably the best way to wake up. Ever.

He extricated himself from their arms, heading into the kitchen to make coffee, smiling as the two men made sleepy noises of protest and latched onto each other instead.

A pair of arms surprised him a few minutes later, wrapping around his waist and pulling him back to rest against whichever one of his boys this was. Judging from the similarity in height, it was Jesse. When Kurt reached behind him and tangled his fingers in soft, wavy hair, he knew he was right.

“Morning,” Jesse said softly, burying his face in Kurt’s shoulder.

“Morning,” Kurt echoed. He opened his mouth to ask Jesse if he had slept well, but was distracted when he felt Jesse’s mouth start moving over his skin, kissing his way up Kurt’s neck.

“You really need to stop that,” Kurt managed to get out, trying to ignore just how good it felt to have Jesse’s tongue playing with his earlobe.

“Because it’s not like all three of us have been waiting for the go ahead since we moved in together,” Jesse said stubbornly, his breath warm. He pulled Kurt even closer, thumbs making circles on Kurt’s hip until he managed to push up his shirt and get to the skin underneath.

Kurt made an appreciative “mmm” noise, forgetting why he had wanted Jesse to stop in the first place. He leaned his head back against Jesse’s shoulder, turning his head and kissing the other man’s jaw line.


They looked around, seeing Mike rubbing his eyes in the doorway.

“Where was my invitation to the party?” Mike asked, coming over and prying the two apart, getting stubborn, unhappy noises from both men by way of an answer. But Mike just sandwiched himself between them, hands going right where Jesse’s had been on Kurt’s waist. Kurt could feel Jesse’s arms wrapping around Mike behind him, and he pressed himself closer, mumbling, “S’not fair. I wanna feel your abs too.”

He blamed this rather embarrassing remark on the lack of caffeine.

Oh. Right. Coffee.

He pulled himself reluctantly away from the arms around his waist and the mouth on his neck, saying, “Occupy yourselves for a minute; I’m making coffee.”

Kurt looked over his shoulder, watching as Mike turned around in Jesse’s arms, finding each other’s mouths and latching on. He grinned, turning back around and trying not to let the occasional moans and smacking of lips distract him from the coffeemaker.

After about thirty seconds, he decided to Hell with the coffee and unplugged it, figuring he could spend an extra dollar and get a crappy cup from a convenience store if it was that important. There were two hot men grinding up on each other in their shared apartment, and Kurt Hummel is not about to miss out on that.
Tags: author: puppetdumbly, rating: pg-13
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I should have added: Kurt/Caffeine as one of the ships, too.

THESE THREE HAVE INVADED MY BRAIN. (and I love it, so don't let me say anything otherwise)
Amazing! I want more of those three! This verse is really lovely *---*

xoxo =)
Ahhh yay!! I'm glad you liked it! :)
Oooh, I really loved this. ♥ I hope you write some more in this verse sometime. :)
Thanks! And there's probably a good chance I will. These three are pretty much my new favorite thing. :P


I seriously love the line about Mike's Abs, and I love this Jesse more..Okay now I need more of this pairing.


Thanks for writing!
Ahhh thank you!! This was so fun to write.

And Mike's Abs are so special that they are capitalized. That should be another ship: Abs/Everyone *nod nod*
Best. Threesome. EVER.
:D I love them.
omg omg omg. A healthy, sane, non-drama-filled adorable threesome.
And not a threesome I would have expected either. I loved Jessie. And Mike, who never made the first move, but always pushed it a little bit farther than Kurt or Jessie had. And Kurt, because he was wearing a frilly apron and little else. ^^'

And I hope it doesn't make me a bad person that I kept idly wishing for 'housewife'-D/s-threesome-kinky-but-still-super-sweet-smut.
Haha, I know, right? I wanted these three to just be completely happy and in love with each other. No drama allowed!

And nah, that doesn't make you a bad person. I don't know how to write that kind of stuff, otherwise this would have been a bit longer..... ;)
!!! I made the most embarrassing excited squeal of a noise upon reading the pairing for this. An OT3 I did not know I needed -- and wanted! -- in my life.
This was so ridiculously adorable! So, thank you for this wonderful pick me up this morning :)
Haha, I feel the exact same way. I didn't know how much I loved these three until I wrote it. Now they're my favorites. I'm glad you liked it!!
Loved these three together! There aren't enough 3-some fics in Glee, so I'm thrilled you wrote this.
Aww, yay! I never even considered writing this until I realized how much I love all three of them together, so I'm glad you liked it!